Let me tell you, a little place called Dot just warms my heart. We are SO glad to be HOME!
Being home almost a week, we have certainly been met with some challenges. Ethan is starting with a new therapist, getting a new shoe lift --ironically for the right foot because the fixator itself makes his left leg longer than the right which makes straightening his leg impossible, and he is about to venture into first grade!
It's this last "venture," the 1st grade one, that has been the most difficult for me to face. Naively, I supposed that a child with a wheelchair and walker who needs assistance when ambulating would be given an aide in the classroom. Unfortunately, this isn't the case. Ethan's only option is switching to a first grade classroom that contains a teacher and an aide for special education students. We've chosen this option because we believe that he will be safe with these two teachers and the school administration and staff --who understand the seriousness of something such as him falling.
Okay then, if I believe that he will be safe, what's the problem? Why the blog? Because sending him to first grade means that I am sending him beyond my reach, my watchful eye, my listening ear, and my aching heart.
Pulling into my driveway, I thought I was coming back from Baltimore much stronger in faith than when I left. In fact, I have marveled and openly and honestly praised the Lord --mostly for his Sovereignty! Yet, the first moment Ethan gets beyond MY control, my first reaction is to panic or to worry or to fear. Darn it, Satan, you know my weaknesses! Thankfully, my Heavenly Father does, too. In fact, He keeps growing me --by giving me practice in my weakest area: letting go.
I'm a crier --you know that by now, and last night was no exception. I kept saying, "Lord, we've brought him this far. I don't want to leave him now. I'm so afraid that something will happen to him." What God did, though, is that marvelous thing that He does when we go to Him with a broken and contrite spirit (Psalm 34:18). He came near. He simply pointed out that I give myself way too much credit. He had, in fact, brought Ethan this far, and He would gladly stay with him at school. If I would kindly get out of His way, He would fulfill His promise to prosper Ethan and not to harm him (Jeremiah 29:11). When God changed that "we" of my thoughts to that "He," He also exchanged my fear for peace. If I truly believe that God's will for Ethan's life is perfect, then I have to believe that whatever God allows is for Ethan's good and God's glory. Easy truth to write down, but a hard truth to follow --except for the fact that this truth ultimately gives to me burdens lifted. Thank God, I'm not responsible for Ethan's health because I am quite fallible. Yes, God expects me to use the intelligence and nurturing spirit that he has given me, but God has Ethan's health safely in His hands --and I have to leave it there.
George Mueller, a remarkable Christian man who established orphanages in the late 1800s and preached to thousands, clearly understood God's Sovereignty and Love. He accepted no salary and never directly asked anyone for funds for the orphanages. He simply prayed for his financial needs to be met and then watched as God met each one! Oh, what simplicity in trusting God! What freedom from fear and worry! I'm so glad that He loves me so much that He's giving me yet another chance to trust in Him and in His Word! He's not finished with me, and as a great friend pointed out today, had this been even a year ago, my ability to Let Go and Let God, would have taken so much longer ... and required of me so many more tears and sleepless nights! One Glorious Day, He will complete in me this work that He has begun (Philippians 1:6)!
Mueller inspires me --as he put his trust in God. He profoundly reminds us: "'The Lord God is a sun and shield, the Lord will give grace and glory, no good thing will he withhold from them that walk uprightly.' Now, if we have believed in the Lord Jesus Christ, we have received grace, we are partakers of grace, and to all such he will give glory also." Mueller recognized that he was a sinner, but had been saved by grace through faith in the Lord Jesus Christ; therefore, he knew that no good thing would be withheld from him. He was "satisfied with God," and explained that his satisfaction came from "taking God at his word, believing what he says."
The following quote is a plea from Mueller to all believers:
My dear Christian reader, will you not try this way? Will you not know for yourself . . . the preciousness and the happiness of this way of casting all your cares and burdens and necessities upon God? This way is as open to you as to me. . . . Every one is invited and commanded to trust in the Lord, to trust in Him with all his heart, and to cast his burden upon Him, and to call upon Him in the day of trouble. Will you not do this, my dear brethren in Christ? I long that you may do so. I desire that you may taste the sweetness of that state of heart, in which, while surrounded by difficulties and necessities, you can yet be at peace, because you know that the living God, your Father in heaven, cares for you
Oh, Christians. Let's try this way ... God's way!