Thursday, June 9, 2011

Fibular Hemimelia Post Surgery Day 2 -Saying Goodbye is Hard to Do!

Last night the nice lady at the Patz House who hands out fresh linens asked Emily how old she was, and Emily said, "I'm four and she's seventy-two" (pointing at me!).  Heck, I thought I was holding up better than that.  In fact, I have surprised myself.  Anyone who knows me knows that I'm more of a Weeping Willow than an Oak, but these last few days I feel a bit more like that tree planted by the water --you know the one deeply rooted that cannot be moved.  When did I grow such deep roots?  When did I gain the strength to sit by Ethan's bedside and enjoy his progress today rather than worry about the challenges to come tomorrow?  I'm not the same girl I was a few years ago.  I don't know about you, but He's been working on me -- you know the rest --to make me what I ought to be!  I haven't arrived yet, but He's pretty patient.

Challenges today:
1.  Saying goodbye.  The Grannies and the Cousins and the Aunt and the Uncle left us today, and it was hard to say goodbye.  Every girl needs her Mommy --and I'm no exception.  And the Grannies and cousins and Aunt and Uncle will miss us, too.  Emily is going to be a little lost without her Granny babysitters and her favorite girl, Maggie.  BUT, they all are making plans to come back to visit.  God is so good in giving us such people to love us and for us to love.  There are single moms here with children in fixators, trying to do it all on their own.  Pray for those moms because I can't imagine that struggle.

Goodbye Uncle Bubby

Goodbye Aunt Lena

2. Saying goodbye to Grannies and Cousins and Aunt and Uncle was hard enough, but saying goodbye to Josh is another kind of hard.  Yes, he's thirteen, but it's hard to be thirteen and your family in Maryland taking care of your little brother and you torn between staying with them and going home to your dad and a summer spent somewhere besides a hospital.  When your thirteen year old boy cries, hugging you goodbye, how your heart breaks!  How I've had to pray all day ... Lord take care of him, work this out for his good, give him strength and courage, protect him ... Lord take care of me, help me to trust you to work this out for his good, give me strength and courage, help me trust you to protect him.  Will you pray for him too --and for me?   We love you, Joshie, and we'll see you soon, I promise!
Goodbye Joshie!

3.  Now to the easy stuff, in comparison to the goodbyes:  Pin Site Care.
Today we got a look at the fixator minus the sponges.  Did I mention that a pack of the sponges that you see in the fixator pictures --that are made just for his kind of fixator, a Taylor Spatial Fixator, cost $92.00!  Anywho, Freddie and I got to use q-tips and saline and learn to clean the pins!  Pretty intimidating, but we'll get used to it.  The sponges just absorb drainage and will be off for good in a few days.  Thank goodness the pins don't get cleaned daily with q-tips, only if there is an infection or a "crusty" looking pin.  His leg will just get a hose down with a detachable shower head and good ole antibacterial soap.  That won't come, however, until next week when he is released to take a full shower.

4.  Wheelchairs and walkers.  Okay, it's hard to sign off on papers for your child's wheelchair and his walker.  There is sadness knowing there is such a need, but relief in knowing that the insurance pays for it at least!  And, in a few months, this equipment will be a thing of the past --not all children are so blessed.

5.  Tomorrow's challenge --the epidural is turned off .... and Ethan will attempt walking.  Again, another blessing, but another challenge.

Okay, this list has inspired me to write one more thing:  sufficiency.  Sufficient:  enough to meet the needs of a situation.  Within each challenge that I thought would be too difficult, I have found sufficiency.  Sufficient strength, sufficient courage, sufficient patience, sufficient peace.  Where has this sufficiency come from:  from Sufficient Grace.  2 Corinthians 12:9:  And He said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee:  for my strength is made perfect in weakness."  I have the weakness part down pat, and He has the supply of grace readily available.  

Oh, how I want this blog to be honest.  I have to say that I don't know understand how God's sovereignty and our petitions merge to equal His will, and I don't know how prayer works, and why Ethan had a great first night and the little girl down the hall did not.  But I do know that He wants to hear from us, and that He will supply us our daily bread ... our daily dose of courage and strength to bear the good nights and the difficult ones.  And that the good nights should lead us to praise His name and the difficult ones to rely on His mercy.  And we were able to tell the parents of the little girl that we would pray for her because she had a difficult first night and then we were able to say "Praise God" this morning because they had a good second night.  Maybe no one had said that to them before?  Maybe they'll decide to pray as well.

On the night before Ethan's surgery, a woman whose son was returning for a follow up visit told Josh not to tell his mom, but that the first two days would be terrible.  What was Josh's response:  "Well, I prayed for my brother, and God will get him through it."  The woman replied, "God can do great things."  Thank you Lord for allowing Josh to be the missionary this time, and thank you for increasing his faith ... as his words to this woman were realized.  Ethan's first two days were far from terrible and You get all the praise!